El Proveedor: Buying or selling?
Shawn: Browsing. Window shopping, if I'm being completely honest. I just started my Christmas shopping today, okay?
El Proveedor: Who the hell wears a beard over a beard?
Shawn: Who wears a beard-beard? Overachievers, that's who, Jack.
Gus's boss: The problem for me is Neil deGrasse Tyson gets as much wrong as he gets right. I mean, I just don't appreciate being talked down to about, especially about asteroids or physics. Hawking is in the ballpark. He gets it half right.
Gus: I don't remember giving you permission to borrow my Hagrid costume, Shawn.
Shawn: Hey, man, is that sourdough?
Gus: You know damn well it's sourdough.
Sammy: Is this Extreme Makeover: Criminal Edition?
Shawn: It looks amazing, doesn't it? I just finished the addition. I matched it exactly with the thirtieth anniversary bluray.
Gus: Of Gremlins?
Shawn: Jes.
Gus: Shawn, we're eight feet underground at the end of an alley in Chinatown.
Shawn: Gus, don't be the comma in Earth, Wind & Fire. This is a glorious triumph, especially considering all the restrictions you gave me - cable car adjacent, gotta be smelling distance from Ghiradelli Square.
Gus: It literally looks like a bunch of letters pushed together.
Shawn: psychphrancisco - one word, all lowercase, PH for the F. What's not to understand, Gus?
Shawn: Have you ever heard the saying, "You gotta spend money to buy things"?
Shawn: You should sit down.
Gus: On what?
Shawn: The rickshaw.
Shawn: I'm pitching this to sweeten the pot - as we drive across town, we stop at every single Cinnabon.
Gus: I'm listening.
Shawn: We Pandora up a Prince death tribute.
Gus: Shawn, you know Prince isn't really dead.
Gus: Nick, you sound paranoid.
Shawn: Plus you're mixing horizontal and vertical stripes.
Gus: While hiding behind a reindeer and a menorah.
Shawn: It hurts your credibility.
Gus: It's theologically incongruous.
Gus: Listen, tonight's moon is a waxing gibbous and Venus is in retrograde.
[later]
Gus: What did I just say Shawn?
Shawn: I don't know. Something about waxing Leeza Gibbons.
Gus: There is nothing here but wood, pollen, and fruit bats.
Shawn: Gus, don't be the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile.
Shawn: Omigawd, are you playing Pokémon Go?
Gus: You know this is how I manage my stress. I'm trying to hatch a ten kilometer egg and I'm pretty sure there might be a Jigglypuff in there.
Gus: Eris is stupid. Pluto is, has been, and always will be the ninth planet.
Woody: This is called an NBA hug.
Butterfly: [Woody] got fired for closing up a cadaver with a chili dog in the chest cavity.
Woody: Not true, Butterfly. I got fired for opening the cadaver back up to retrieve the chili dog.
Gus: You don't even know me.
Selene: I know all I need to know. You like the sky, your mother, safecracking, a bakery called Boom Boom Boom Muffins.
Gus: That's all on my business card.
Selene: I know when you were eight years old, you won a contest for doing a comic strip about an Egyptian dog that became pharaoh.
Gus: You know about Mesopotamian Pomeranian?
Selene: I wish I would have known you then. I bet you were a dead ringer for Bud on The Cosby Show.
Gus: Look, you can't follow me around, research me, try to kiss me, sniff my head, make me feel uncomfortable-
Shawn: He has literally done all those things since Thanksgiving.
Woody: He's getting Gused. No wonder he doesn't like it.
Gus: And yes, maybe your lips are warm and soft and taste like caramel, but those lips are wrapped in an electric blanket of crazy set to medium high.
Gus: I'm going to keep this fluffernutter sandwich because I think it's rude to waste food.
Shawn: I'm freaking out. What if I'm sleeping with Nick Nolte from Mulholland Falls?
Gus: Then you're really getting the short end of the stick, Mulholland Falls-wise.
Ted: This makes no sense. Why does a psychic operate in the shop from Gremlins?
Shawn: To potentially meet Phoebe Cates.
Shawn: Dad, I specifically told you to dress for dinner, not Adam Levine's funeral.
Gus: Is that scarf tweed?
Billy: Do I look worried? I'm wearing ladies' makeup right now.
Billy: What's this? Does no one think the rules apply to them anymore? Now I've got to call this in on this stupid walkie talkie.
Shawn: Call it in to who?
Billy: Whom. To WHOM. Can someone please explain that to him?
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